Have you ever felt like you’ve done an amazing job only to find out that you’re suddenly the “bad guy” in the eyes of others? You may have just been thrown under the bus by someone playing the role of The Victim. This person tricks others into feeling sorry for them by positioning you as the villain. After my short story, I’m going to give you three positive ways to deal with this type of person to minimize your involvement in the mayhem they create.
My business is highly driven by referrals. Both your relationships with others and your reputation drive referrals. In one particular case, I’d noticed that referrals had completely ceased only to discover that the person who was supposed to be referring me had stolen my sales and service materials and was selling themselves using my information for a significantly lower cost. (Awesome right?!)
I pondered how I would deal with this person (I’ll refer to her as Villanessa in this post) and discussed the situation with some trusted peers. Suggestions ran from reporting Villanessa to her human resources department to sending a cease and desist letter to a confrontation. All of these solutions didn’t feel quite right as I felt I’d lower myself to her level getting her fired or have to endure the confrontation. I didn’t want to do that, so I chose to rise.
I talked about how I felt on social media without disclosing anything about Villanessa, and found that this behavior was rampant in my industry. I suppose these people didn’t pay attention in their ethics classes. That’s fine…I did pay attention. And I apply every great concept to my business that I can.
Instead of dealing with Villanessa head on I chose to rise. I improved my sales and service information and increased my prices. As a result sales for this year skyrocketed…it was actually quite magical! After Villanessa discovered I knew about what she had done, I was removed from the referral list at every location she worked at. I shifted my attention to other locations and enjoyed increased sales revenues using my new sales and service materials. I effectively took myself out of the silly game she played and limited any future instance of being portrayed as the bad guy.
Fast forward to this year when Villanessa transferred into a location that I was already booked at multiple times and we had to work together. I chose to rise again. While I would have liked to let the team know who she really is, I left it alone and provided a stellar performance with my clients, treating her with the same kindness and respect I give to everyone. Villanessa knows that I know what she did, and perhaps that doesn’t sit well with her…or maybe she doesn’t even care. That isn’t for me to worry about. I’m choosing not to let her bad energy impact me.
I don’t doubt that she will continue on playing the victim as if I was the bad guy even though she stole my information, but I won’t let her put me in that role. I don’t play that silly game and you shouldn’t either.
In my story, you can see that I had taken a whole lot of time thinking about how best to respond to Villanessa, “The Victim.” I wanted to keep my side of the street clean so that I could feel good about my actions and move forward with my head held high. Here’s how you can do it to:
1. Quarantine Villanessa.
Decide how you want to isolate “The Victim” and situation from yourself so you don’t have to deal with their behavior. Victims love getting attention from others and will likely create a group of supporters who feel sorry for them, even if they are in the wrong. Disassociate yourself from the group. Let them fester and don’t pay them attention as they’ll likely be trying to get yours, and get ready for your next move. Dust off your bottle of awesome sauce because you’re going to be amazing!
2. Choose To Rise.
Decide that you are better than this and choose to rise. Shift into all out “awesome mode.” Look for ways to improve anything your “Villanessa” is involved with on your end. Improve your attitude. Bite your tongue. Don’t let anything they are doing to bring you down affect you. If there is ever a confrontation from their groupies, remind them they only have the story they’ve been given from the person playing the victim.
3. Shut It Down.
In cases where you can’t quarantine the person or the situation and you have the opportunity to share you side, do it peacefully. The best way to do this is to phrase a question. In my case, the question was, “Are you sure you want to believe everything you hear from a person that stole my information and passed it off as their own?”
The key to positively dealing with “The Victim” is to choose to rise. How can you do better? Be better? Keep them from dragging you down? You’ll see victims popping up in your personal life too. You can use these same three tactics to minimize their impact. They are some of the best creators of drama…and you don’t need that because you’re too busy creating happiness!